My friend Jeff

So I made a new friend... His name is Jeff. I met Jeff two weeks ago when he came into the stall at the Farmer's Market. I couldn't tell when I met him if he was homeless or just an eccentric dresser. He was very polite and sweet and didn't steal anything. He was ok in my book.

Anyway, I met Jeff again at Molly's last Saturday night when I was suffering a severe depression from my bridesmaids dress looking like a freaking sausage casing on me and having my sister (the Bride) tell me 15 times that it wasn't going to zip. He came into the patio and I went up and introduced myself and told him I was the nut lady from the Market... I invited him to come back the next day and I'd hook him up with some discount raisins.

When he left he stopped at our table and said "I can't give much, but I can still give compliments, and you three girls are just beautiful.  See you tomorrow."

Well, in my current "Could a dog leash and the studs in my ceiling support my elephantine body weight long enough for me to David Carradine myself" state of mind, his compliment made me feel just a little less um.... round.

So he comes on Sunday and I introduce him to Aaron, Aaron gives me the "You don't like regular people at the market but you'll be friends with a homeless?" look, I smile and say "That's right,   he thinks I'm pretty."

I take Jeff to the dried fruits to find him a say and say, "Do you like raisins?"
Jeff says no, I laugh and without two-seconds of thought say to him: "Are you nuts?"

Now what I meant was, are you a nut person, do you prefer nuts to fruit. But what he and I both heard was: "Are you nuts?"

To which he replied, "Well, yes, a little."

Well now I've got a project, a makeover waiting to happen..



My mother already told me he can't live here, (even in the garage) so I'm taking suggestions.

What to do with Jeff. A makeover seems obvious to me but possibly a little impractical. Should I ask him how he became homeless? Is that rude? Can I ask him where he sleeps? What is the homeless to homed etiquette?

We've all seen that episode of 90210 where Brenda brings the homeless guy to Christmas and we all remember how that worked out. He's just so nice, and he thinks I'm pretty.